Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Take them to the grocery store, just don't call it an efficient shopping trip.

Here's what my list reads: avocados, snap peas, clementines, tomatoes, strawberries, ground turkey, milk, cheese, almond milk, almonds, coffee, mac 'n cheese, canned peaches, granola bars

Here's what my receipt shows: Smart Puffs, fifteen bucks' worth of granola bars (3 boxes), Sea Salt Talenti gelato, frozen broccoli, cheese, almond milk, a Cucina Antica frozen pizza (for another night like this), whole-wheat English muffins, a green Camel-Bak water bottle, a $5.95 magazine that I bought because it had MC Yogi on the cover, a discount for remembering my bags, a $2 donation to the Humane Society.

Why the discrepency? These two:

It's been a hectic week so I told myself that was I going to take the easy way out tonight—by heading to Healthy Living for a healthy dinner, bribing the kids with the promise of some ice cream as a take-home treat (see above: Talenti) and then doing a short bit of efficient grocery shopping with two gratefully obedient helpers. This is actually how I explained the plan to a friend, who'd suggested that the three of us join her and her son (the boys' good pal) in grabbing a bite for dinner. 

How soon we forget. What happened was this*: 

5:58 pm: Arrive at store
5:58 - 6:02 pm: Cart shuffling and shouting about who will push the cart; we grab two carts
6:02 - 6:04 pm: Two small boys push two mini carts in two different directions, both of which include glass bottles
6:04 pm: One cart is returned (as close to the "do not enter" [from this way] automatic doors as possible); sorry to whoever had to actually return it... but, trust me, the alternative would have been worse
6:05 - 6:09 pm: I chat with an old friend in the gadget aisle; Kai becomes obsessed with a green Camel-bak water bottle
6:10 pm: Too weak to deal with an all-out tantrum, I tell Kai he can carry the water bottle through the store
6:11 - 6:15 pm: Bathroom break #1 (chronologically and otherwise)
6:15 - 6:20 pm: Select dinner - chicken and rice, carrots and corn + fruit salad for the boys; tofu, kale and roasted beets/turnips for me. 
6:20 - 6:35 pm: Pay for and eat dinner (Jules and Nicci)
6:35 - 6:50 pm: Nicci and Jules play number-guessing games while watching Kai finish his dinner, more slowly than anyone has ever eaten 7 grains of rice before
6:50 - 6:55 pm: Bakery selections made (both include chocolate + peanut butter)
6:55 pm - 7:00 pm: Jules finishes half of his Magic Bar; bags the second half to save for dad
7:00 pm - 7:15 pm: Kai licks layers of peanut butter and chocolate icing, then continues to smash and smear chocolate cupcake all over his face, the table and the chair
7:15 - 7:20 pm: Clean up! Compost, recycle, trash review. 
7:20 - 7:30 pm: Bathroom break #2 (chronologically and otherwise). Over the stall door, Kai yells, "I love you, Mom!" no fewer than four times. 
7:30 - 7:42 pm: Haphazard and hurried shopping, with me saying yes to 40% of items proposed, 99% of which are unnecessary. 
7:42 - 7:45 pm: Checkout. I pay for all items, including the surprises (the green water bottle I thought we'd put back, the extra two boxes of granola bars) and yoga mag I tossed in the bag as a relaxing reward for not losing my shit while shopping. We donate $2 to the Humane Society after Julian shuffles the lot of cards with cute cats on them. 

En route home, Jules says, "what a fun adventure!" Kai agrees: "Yeah, that was an adVENTURE! And we must almost be to Grandma's house because it feels like a long trip. It's mostly dark outside."


*All times approximate

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